It appears equality is a myth when you're crazy

Today I realised just how much my depression and anxiety has affected every part of my life in ways I didn't even think of

A little background is needed with this so bear with me, I have worked in my job for nearly 2 years and in that time I have been pretty lucky in the opportunities that have come my way and that my hard work has been noticed, 6 months ago I managed to secure a pretty big promotion which I was very happy with and all of the feedback I was given was that I was doing really well however there was one issue with targets and it was decided by higher people than me that I would be demoted back to my previous position. I obviously was unhappy with this and to be honest i believe that was the thing that tipped me over the edge into my recent depressive episode. 

I was back in my job for around 2 months before it all became too much and I reached the bottom which resulted in self harm and a suicide attempt, I was off work for 5 weeks and returned to work a month ago and this week internal adverts were placed for some new roles in the business which I was very interested in so feeling a little better I made the big decision for me to apply for these positions, this brings me to the unfortunate truth about how depression affects how others see you. 

I was taken into the office today and advised that my application would not even make it to the interview stage, now to be perfectly honest a little part of me thought this may happen however the reasons I was given still seem unfair to me. I was told that my application would not be accepted because they require someone who is reliable and due to my absence I am not considered to be reliable. I have gone through a range of emotions since I was told this from accepting that my illness and my time off of work does perhaps suggest that this may happen again and I understand that because I can't say for sure that I won't relapse and need some help but the main thing I feel at the moment is disappointed that a company that I enjoyed working for can't seem to look past my illness and review my potential as they had done prior to my illness and the way that they are reviewing all the other candidates.

 It makes me realise that the people who know about my illness and knew me before now view me differently and that's something that I'm not sure I'll ever be able understand or accept.

I guess this illness has taken away a part of me I hadn't realised was gone and now I will have to accept and move on